can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
