wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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