I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
