Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
