I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
