butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
