my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
