A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
