he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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