note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sarcasm needs its own font
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
