as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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