At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need water and some morals
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