I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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