I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
