i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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