Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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