My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
