I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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