After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
