HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
