It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
