Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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