I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
