His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
zippers are such a cool invention
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
