She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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