last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
