My first STD was from a foam party
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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