I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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