Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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