$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
