If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
