i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
