this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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