I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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