Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
