I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
