the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
