How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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