She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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