She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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