I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
