So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
