so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
