I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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