is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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