So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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