i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
