I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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