im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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