omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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