this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
