I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were trust falling into bushes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
