We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
