Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
