It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
smell my finger.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
