do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
