i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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