I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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