In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
