Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
