Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're a waste of cheezeits
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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